January 31, 2005
WALKING ON A WIRE
I used to see this logo in downtown manhattan, virtually omnipresent near cbgb & the bowery.....missing foundation, the "party's over"... fascist anarchist chaos? radical music? no idea. seemed more like a simple case of widespread graffiti. cool logo though, and a perfect symbol for my emotional state today....
saturday family get-together cancelled, due to strep infection in little girl. after a day of crying and sleeping and fever and no appetite (her, not me), the meds kicked in and she was back to her playful self. meanwhile, I'm sure everybody involved thinks we're major flakes for putting the kabosh on the shindig....
wireless network install continues to be a frustration. I can only conclude that my $250 hardware investment was insufficient. In addition, I apparently also needed voluminous man hours to try out every possible config variable until I find the one that works. The $250 I had, it's the free time to play hacker geek that I don't have...
turned out my work notebook functioned just fine over the wireless xion, just enough to get whacked with a spywarz goblin that is screaming sex web sites and various related announcements on my work interface. IT ran spybotz, twice, but to no avail. it's all a come-on to disable your web browser and try and force people to buy the anti-spywarz antidote. pretty good scam. can't believe I was unlucky enough to get infected like this.
...all this amidst the usual pantheon of suburban malaise, white-blanketed frozen nothingness, and looming deadlines...your typical Monday.....
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January 26, 2005
SMOKE GETS IN YOUR EYES
attorneywhore on the left, simpering wallflower on the right...
Fired for smoking?
Michigan health care company has strict
anti-tobacco policy
The Associated Press
Updated: 12:18 p.m. ET Jan. 26, 2005
LANSING, Mich. - Four employees of a health care company have been fired for refusing to take a test to determine whether they smoke cigarettes.
Weyco Inc., a health benefits administrator based in Okemos, Mich., adopted a policy Jan. 1 that allows employees to be fired if they smoke, even if the smoking happens after business hours or at home.
Company founder Howard Weyers has said the anti-smoking rule was designed to shield the firm from high health care costs. “I don’t want to pay for the results of smoking,” he said.
...but this morning on the Today Show, Mr. Boston (that's the bald guy in the above pic), generalissimo counsel for Weyco, claimed that Mr. Weyers was not concerned with health costs, but rather the well-being of his employees...
so which is it?
I'm an ex-smoker myself, but that doesn't mean I'm going to march in lockstep as these fascists try and dictate private behavior. If Weyco is so concerned about its employees, they should enforce the same standards for other unhealthful pursuits, like drinking booze, or eating fatty foods, or crossing the street without looking both ways, or running with scissors...
and kudos to the ACLU for quickly locating the least charismatic member of its organization in the entire state of Michigan to argue with the attorneywhore...
Mr. Bush mentioned the words "freedom" and "liberty" about 400-gazillion times during his coronation last week...he forgot to mention the words "as per company policy"......
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January 25, 2005
KEEP ON TRUCKIN'
a little bit of homespun red state folk wisdom...
Yellow ribbons. Everywhere. On a recent 30-minute drive to the mall, I counted 37 vehicles with these, nearly all of them SUV’s. Some vehicles had two of these ribbon stickers, placed left and right on the back of the vehicle.
They’re virtually omnipresent. So OK, they got my attention. And I’m beginning to wonder what possible purpose they serve. After all, there aren’t any troops left here in the U.S. to see the ribbons. And even if there were, how does a bumper sticker support the military enterprise? Does some portion of the proceeds from yellow ribbon bumper sticker purchases go to places like veterans’ groups or some such? And if so, why not just give the money to them directly, and avoid the desecration of your vehicle's exterior? How much money can a bumper sticker possibly cost in the first place? If a bumper sticker says “I Brake for Jesus,” or "I Brake for Shoe Stores," should it be taken literally?
Let’s face it. It ain’t that complicated. U.S. consumers ingest gas by the, um, truckload. For most S.U.V. drivers, there is no rational reason or physical need to drive a vehicle that size. I’ll give a pass to drivers over 6’5”, or people who live in regions of the country which call for a large 4x4 vehicle – some people just need a truck. But suburban housewives in New Jersey? There is no safety benefit to S.U.V.’s. This has been well-researched and documented by now. For many of us, there is no compelling reason to own one at all, aside from basic vanity. Most people would be better off with a smaller, safer car. This is simply a fact. If these SUV owners switched over to a car, it's doubtful that many of them would even consider getting the 4x4 option. Why? Because it’s still pretty easy to make it out of one’s driveway onto a paved road using 2-wheel drive.
So fly your plastic stick-on ribbons America. Flaunt your feelings of guilt and impotence to do anything for our troops, and instead exacerbate the issues surrounding the Iraq War by augmenting our demand for petroleum.
But as an emblem for this age, I can’t think of anything more on-target: a logo that symbolizes the very antithesis of what it says—“support our troops” = “fuck the troops; I want my truck and I want my gas.”
Is anyone ready to volunteer their children for military service so as to maintain their super-sized automotive preferences? Just think, if your kid gets drafted, chances are that he or she will soon be driving a Hummer…
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January 24, 2005
ISLE OF WHITE
Does this look familiar?
Two days of snow shoveling and computer reconfiguring -- installing wi-fi network. The snow shoveling was a success. I was able to get my main desktop machine happening wirelessly but the work-issued laptop was a problem...I expect it's just a matter of finding the usual mystery meat that is buried in the far back reaches of the help file, explaining why this or that isn't going blinkity blinkity...
once it works, the pclef soundlab will be moving to a bigger space. *rhumba* recordings will then be poised to increase in both quality and quantity over the next few months....doing more live (and louder), and thudstaff's planned home build-it machine is pretty snazzy on paper...
Blog entries from work machine until wireless-related issues are resolved....pics of snow jesus, etc., still to come.....
THE IT'S MONDAY SO LET'S BITCH SECTION:
...another banner day for mayor bloomberg....no NJT svce to penn (though LIRR & Metro North are incoming/outgoing just fine), and they just got around to shoveling out the sidewalks in midtown this morning....what, nobody works on a sunday anymore? sheesh, this is a blue state ya putz...
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January 21, 2005
COULDN'T STAND THE WEATHER
when God looks down on my house this weekend, it's going to look something like this....
the 5-day weather grid told us to expect "pathetic sunshine" today.....
one can only assume this means tomorrow we'll see some tragic clouds and sorrowful snowflakes...
consumer tip of the day: if someone offers you a free iPod, tell them to get f@#$%d....there is no such thing as a free iPod. and there ought not to be. if iPods were available at reasonable prices, teenage girls and gay men would have no use for them...
consumer tip of yesterday: if you have a kid, these photo coffee mugs they make are a slam dunk ... hard to resist immortalizing your young one on a fine piece of sweatshop porcelain, and a surefire hit in your friendly neighborhood conference room....
anybody see the inauguration of the christ yesterday? me neither. but that won't stop the punditocracy this weekend from offering their twee commentary on the "historic" ramifications of the speech nobody heard. Kennedy said "ask not what your country....etc." and it defined a decade. Bush can't even define a cowboy shirt ...
but there's always stuff to look forward to.....like the state of the union speech, or mccartney at the super bowl. I'll take curtain #3 monty....what? it's six hours of drug-free dental surgery? that's fine, just as long as I don't have to watch a beatles medley with dancing cheerleaders...but if someone could manage to smuggle janet jackson into the capitol building during the SOTU, then there's a good chance we'll have peace in our time....
yes lord. community titty for the congressmen. what better way to celebrate our freedom....better, indeed, than listening to sir paul sing that 9/11 song. I never thought I'd say this, but please bring back U2.....
enjoy the weekend....in honor of the second swearing in of W, we're going to build a huge snow Jesus on the lawn this weekend, after the storm heads out to sea. if you're in the neighborhood, drop by....the Erection of the Snow Jesus will go up first thing Sunday Morning.....(which reminds me, I'd better go find a carrot).....
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January 20, 2005
BAD MOON RISING
Since the republicans don't fancy panegyrics or poets, let's re-visit the lovely piece that Robert Frost read at Kennedy's inaugural some 43 years ago:
The Gift Outright
The land was ours before we were the land's.
She was our land more than a hundred years
Before we were her people. She was ours
In Massachusetts, in Virginia,
But we were England's, still colonials,
Possessing what we still were unpossessed by,
Possessed by what we now no more possessed.
Something we were withholding made us weak
Until we found out that it was ourselves
We were withholding from our land of living,
And forthwith found salvation in surrender.
Such as we were we gave ourselves outright
(The deed of gift was many deeds of war)
To the land vaguely realizing westward,
But still unstoried, artless, unenhanced,
Such as she was, such as she would become.
-- Robert Frost
January 18, 2005
January 14, 2005
NEW DAY RISING
the thudstaff primo thunderbroom...
admitted to stratcat hospital last night...
emergency surgery to be scheduled as soon as possible...
enjoy the weekend...
& in a plaintive cry shouted across the great divide of happenstance and improbability, we exclaim:
J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets!!!!
Make it so.
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January 13, 2005
UNCHAINED MELODY
My friends are blending in my head
They're melting into one great spirit
And that spirit isn't dead
--Lou Reed
January 12, 2005
WHERE EAGLES DARE
In the deserts of the heart
Let the healing fountains start,
In the prison of his days
Teach the free man how to praise.
--W.H. Auden
In memory of Vincent Koenig...
January 10, 2005
OUR LOVE IS HERE TO STAY
Flavor Flav listens intently as Brigitte whispers, "you are the wind beneath my wings...."
thank you, Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav, for helping to restore my faith in our common humanity, the possibility of true love, and, well, I think Ray Davies put it best:
Everybody's a dreamer
and everybody's a star,
And everybody's in show biz,
it doesn't matter who you are.
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January 07, 2005
MIND GAMES
some stuff that's been rattling around my belfry lately....
Friendships end.
A broom is drearily sweeping...
Who are the Iraqi candidates?
Up the broken pieces of yesterday's life...
Amber Frey – slut role model media blitz.
Somewhere, a queen is weeping...
How soon before we can declare “Phantom of the Opera” a flop?
Somewhere, a king has no wife...
NY Jets – newfound glory or same old story?
Will the wind ever remember?
Alt.country. Cowpunk. Same thing?
The names it has blown in the past?
Kathie Lee Gifford wrote a musical. Guess what? It sucks.
With its crutch, its old age and its wisdom...
1964 Civil Rights murder.
I whispers no, this won't be...
Doors hanger-on Danny Sugerman dies. Fawn Hall suddenly available.
The last...
Condolensces go out to Nelson Mandela and Chris Cooper, who both lost a son this week.
And she told me a story yesterday...
DiCaprio and Scorcese to make a third film together. Would someone please step in and patch up whatever happened between Marty and DeNiro please?
About the sweet love...
The truth about “Million Dollar Baby” ... Hilary stank.
between the moon and the deep blue sea...
Don Cheadle rules.
then she spread her wings high over me...
And the wind whispers, Mary...
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January 06, 2005
SEND IN THE CLOWNS
Hello, America. My name is Alberto. I am a lawyer.
Your congressional representatives will not oppose my nomination to become your next Attorney General. They want to make friends with the millions of new Hispanic voters who are settling down in this country. They enjoy their job security.
And down deep, they really don't mind that I'm a big advocate for expanding the use of torture-based interrogation techniques. Ay, caramba! Everybody knows that the Geneva Conventions are so WWII...
They don't even care that I'm going to be a rubber stamp mouthpiece for the Bush/Cheney machine. They think that people are so happy to be rid of Ashcroft that they won't look closely at me or my record. They're counting on your apathy, and I am too. And let's face it--after a few denials about Abu Ghraib and a few evasive non-answers, my confirmation will be in the bag.
This is going to be great!
So, when you hear all the stories about my migrant worker parents, and how we used to be poor before we met the Bush family, you can feel better about endorsing me for Attorney General. Enjoy the stories. They were written for you. Who knows? There might even be some truth to them. That's the beauty of following your government blindly. They tell you a story and you accept it without question. They say that I am from a town called Humble, Texas. Isn't that terrific? Humble beginnings. It's like a Hollywood movie. Starring Alberto, your new (muy guapo) Attorney General. Remember last week when they said that masturbation can cause pregnancy? You can believe it. Ignorance is Strength. Si.
I look forward to acting as the Lord High Protector of your beloved Constitution, and will interpret its contents and precepts to further my own narrow political agenda, to the best of my ability.
So help me George.
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January 05, 2005
EVERY TIME WE SAY GOODBYE
Alan King Alistair Cooke Ann Miller Anthony Hecht Arthur Hailey Arthur Kane Artie Shaw Barney Kessel Ben Shabalala Bob Keeshan Bob Murphy Bruce Palmer Carlos Kleiber Christopher Reeve Chuck Niles Czeslaw Milosz Daniel Boorstin Dave Blood Dolly Rathebe Donald Justice Donny Houser-Richerme Drake Sather D-Roc Eddie Adams Eddie Layton Elvin Jones Ernie Ball Fay Wray Francesco Scavullo Gordon Cooper Helmut Newton Henri Cartier-Bresson Hope Stout Howard Keel Hubert Selby Jr. Illinois Jacquet Isabel Sanford Jack Paar Jan Berry Jan Miner Janet Leigh Jeff Smith Jerry Goldsmith Jerry Nachman Jerry Orbach Joe Viterelli John A. Gambling John McGeoch John Peel Johnny Bristol Johnny Ramone Julia Child Ken Caminiti Larry Brown Marlon Brando Mattie Stepanek Niki Sullivan O.D.B. Paul Winfield Peter Ustinov Rambling Rudy Phillips Ray Charles Richard Avedon Richard Hock Rick James Robert Merrill Robert Pastorelli Robert Quine Rodney Dangerfield Russ Meyer Spalding Gray Steve Lacy Susan Sontag Terry Melcher Theo van Gogh Thom Gunn Tony Randall Tug McGraw Uta Hagen Victor Argo Vilayat Khan
&
all victims of 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake
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January 04, 2005
JAILHOUSE ROCK
MORE RESOLUTIONS!!!
(convict-ions?)
[the holiday mail is notoriously slow making its way out of the pentitentiary. and Texas.]
continue to donate obscene truckloads of cash to the Republican Party...
finish up the manuscript for my new project: "Hiding the Commode: Martha's Guide to Small Space Style"
phew! finally! no more ball & chain.....
um, wait a minute. oh shit. is that a real ball & chain?
try very very very hard not to drop the soap...
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January 03, 2005
IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR
EVEN YET MORE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS...
hire a vocal coach....
self-immolate from a spontaneous combustion of pent-up seething rage...
2005: an orgiastic bedlam of hot gay sex...
continue to exude an image of strength, intelligence and leadership....
a whole lot more of this...
well that was fun. now, just eighty-six more years before the next one....
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January 02, 2005
PROMISES PROMISES
A FEW MORE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS:
look for ways beyond neckwear to accentuate my ferret qualities...
finally get around to burning that doobie I've been saving up since that nitty gritty dirt band concert back in '74...
try to avoid blanket statements to the press...
give up windsurfing...
change my focus toward an ironic discourse concerning the tragicomic, existential cruelties of the game...
finally get a chance to live the life I've always wanted....wife, mother, pill-popping churchgoer....
continue to suck air and take up space in the most meaningless and spiritless way humanly possible...
start to seriously consider salads....
retire.
protect the people of california from the evil robot hordes. also, invite that jeopardy guy over for computer chess with the shriverbot...
OK America. You won't vote for my John. Fine. I understand. I'm a grown woman. I can speak five languages. I don't need to be the First Lady to you unwashed ignorant hordes of misguided people. I could buy out the entire Bush family and solve all your little budget problems with one stroke of my diamond-encrusted pen. But instead, I'm going on holiday. To St. Tropez. Good luck with your tidal waves and your Colin Powell.
But before I go, just one last thought:
No more ketchup. Ever.
Bon Jour!
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