November 30, 2005
DON'T BE THAT WAY
...good news for modern man...
ITEM: President George “Chosen by God” Bush to deliver “major address” on Iraq today. This morning. While we’re at work. At the Naval Academy. Very pussy.
Time to switch the focus to those pesky Mexicans.
Pop question for gutless leader: if the best armed forces in the world can’t beat the insurgency, wouldn’t logic demand that victory would require a BETTER army? Will the Iraqi army ever be BETTER than the US Army? subquestion: wasn't the infamous 'mission accomplished' banner therefore, by definition, pure propaganda? Hell, we don’t need Condi Rice, we need Moses, someone extraordinary to lead us out of the dark, corrupted places, and back to the promised land. You’d think that someone whose myopia is so clearly influenced by biblical superstitions would at least be able to understand this much.
ITEM: The R.C. Church has issued a decree regarding homosexuality! This global missive is akin to a global cheese consortium denouncing the use of milk. Amazingly, "the church," having provided the world’s closeted homosexual male population with a useful vocation and respectable place in society for centuries now, is officially slamming the door on gay men who are part of the bigger “gay culture.” What is that, exactly? I’m trying to figure this out. Conversely, what is “straight culture?” Is that like when you get to enjoy unlimited date rape privileges with various cheerleaders because you made starting quarterback? Or when you use your position as family breadwinner to inflict physical or psychological harm on your spouse and/or children with no expectation of repercussion because to reject you would mean to face extreme poverty? I’m not gay myself, but I’m pretty sure these items aren’t part of “gay culture.” But what about a culture, indeed a tax-free global racket, which condones and encourages the sexual molestation of children? What kind of culture is that? And who would want, to be part of that? Not me. anymore.
ITEM: Terrific article in this week’s “New Yorker” on the recent Pennsylvania court proceedings regarding “intelligent design.” Much better than the more heavily PR-supported Sy Hersh story on Iraq. Here’s an interesting argument it mentions, from a Brown University biology professor: since the beginnings of life here on planet Earth, 99.9% of all known species have become extinct. If this was done intentionally by an individual agent of some kind, how “intelligent” could the “designer” have been?
ITEM: The Rolling Stones are booked to play the Super Bowl. Thank goodness. We’ve been enjoying Keith Richards’ wardrobe malfunctions for decades now. And they’ve been annoying censors since way back when they sang “Let’s Spend Some Time Together” on the Ed Sullivan Show. Apparently they’re now the safe alternative.
Gimme shelter.
...
November 29, 2005
BONGO FURY
“On the night before Little Bighorn, Custer and his men were sitting around their campfire. They heard American Indian drums in the distance. The drums were loud and fierce. They continued long into the night, drumming and drumming and drumming. Finally, Custer said: 'I don’t like the sound of those drums.' From the distance, a voice replied: 'He’s not our usual drummer.'”
a tip of the hat to The Bad Plus, the sound of whose drums (Mr. David King) we like very much...
...
November 28, 2005
ROCKING AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE
...the white house at christmas...a time of tradition, thoughtful reflection, and...bling...
and so this is christmas. and what have you done?
which is, of course, completely facile.
to be sure, there's a strong argument against the amount that we do. the problem being that we do too damn much -- at this time of year we can look back at the huge mess in our wakes and then proceed to bitch about it for the next few weeks...unless--hey! that's what the holidays are for! don't get so bitchy mr. grumpy drawers! take a few weeks off, light some candles, get some kids to sing some songs, engage in an orgy of retail spending for no good reason whatsoever, and pretend that there's a big man in the sky who's going to come down and make it all better. don't think about anything substantive until at least the 2nd week of January.
I'm suggesting an alternative: do less. and in so doing, do less of those things that we think are perversely good for us -- e.g. I did so damn much today that I really ought to [poison myself with booze; cement my colon shut with fatty processed foods; disengage from my family and loved ones with a few hours of reality TV; fudge that--I'll just do more work from home]... it's a hamster wheel, isn't it? keep going, keep doing, keep the atoms spinning in their crazy circles, and then, just as our final testament to the tortuous cycle is concluded ("I'm so tired from the... shopping, eating, talking, drinking, driving, picking up, dropping off, singing, sitting, standing, buying, returning, parties, get-togethers, lunches, dinners, stores, lines, waiting...), we actually do all stop at the same time and -- am I the only one who sees the impossible contradiction in this? -- proclaim this to be a celebration of "the prince of peace."
so then, what have you done? perhaps too much. this year what we really "need" isn't a "little christmas" but rather a real, actual attainment of this elusive quantity which none of us has ever possessed: peace.
...
November 24, 2005
November 23, 2005
DEATH MAY BE YOUR SANTA CLAUS
...some Iraqi kids...the younger ones still seem to have the love in their eyes....
the older one, I'm not so sure...
A child said, What is the grass?
by Walt Whitman
A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full
hands;
How could I answer the child?. . . .I do not know what it
is any more than he.
I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful
green stuff woven.
Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropped,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we
may see and remark, and say Whose?
Or I guess the grass is itself a child. . . .the produced babe
of the vegetation.
Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow
zones,
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the
same, I receive them the same.
And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.
Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them;
It may be you are from old people and from women, and
from offspring taken soon out of their mother's laps,
And here you are the mother's laps.
This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old
mothers,
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.
O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues!
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths
for nothing.
I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men
and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring
taken soon out of their laps.
What do you think has become of the young and old men?
What do you think has become of the women and
children?
They are alive and well somewhere;
The smallest sprouts show there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait
at the end to arrest it,
And ceased the moment life appeared.
All goes onward and outward. . . .and nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and
luckier.
...
November 22, 2005
HEARTATTACK & VINE
...it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing...
liar liar with your pants on fire, white spades hangin' on the telephone
wire, gamblers reevaluate along the dotted line, you'll never recognize
yourself on heartattack and vine.
doctor lawyer beggar man thief, philly joe remarkable looks on in disbelief,
if you want a taste of madness, you'll have to wait in line, you'll probably
see someone you know on heartattack and vine.
boney's high on china white, shorty found a punk, don't you know there ain't
no devil, there's just god when he's drunk, well this stuff will probably kill
you, let's do another line, what you say you meet me down on heartattack and
vine.
see that little jersey girl in the see-through top, with the peddle pushers
sucking on a soda pop, well i bet she's still a virgin but it's only twenty-
five 'til nine, you can see a million of 'em on heartattack and vine.
better off in iowa against your scrambled eggs, than crawling down cahuenga
on a broken pair of legs, you'll find your ignorance is blissful every goddamn
time, your're waitin' for the rtd on heartattack and vine.
--Tom Waits
November 21, 2005
RUMBLE
...to the end, one bad mofo...
very saddened to learn of the passing of Link Ray, one of the pioneers of the electric guitar. certainly one of the first to experiment with actually taking a knife to his speakers in order to obtain a raspier "fuzz" tone...his instrumental "Rumble" (as featured in the film Pulp Fiction) will live on indefinitely, signifying an era of leather jackets, greasers, motorcycles, hot rods, and the never-ending pursuit of little miss peggy sue...
here's an obituary someone else wrote:
Link Wray, 76
Sunday, November 20, 2005 Posted at 8:10 PM EST
Associated Press
Copenhagen, Denmark - Guitar player Link Wray, who invented the power
chord, the major modus operandi of modern rock guitarists, has died. He was
76.
A native of Dunn, North Carolina, Wray's style is considered the blueprint
for heavy metal and punk music.
Wray's is best known for his 1958 instrumental Rumble, 1959's Rawhide and
1963's Jack the Ripper. His music has appeared in movies like Pulp Fiction,
Independence Day and Desperado.
His style is said to have inspired many other rock musicians, including Pete
Townsend of the Who. David Bowie, Bob Dylan, Steve Van Zandt and Bruce
Springsteen have also been quoted as saying that Wray and Rumble inspired
them to become musicians.
"He is the king; if it hadn't been for Link Wray and Rumble, I would have
never picked up a guitar'," Townsend wrote on one of Wray's albums.
Neil Young once said: "If I could go back in time and see any band, it would
be Link Wray and the Raymen."
According to Wray's official website, he invented the fuzz tone by
deliberately punching holes in his amplifier speakers.
In 2002, Guitar World magazine elected Wray one of the 100 greatest
guitarists of all time.
Wray, known for his trademark black leather jacket, toured the United States
and Canada from 1997 to 2002. He was half Shawnee Indian.
The date of Wray's death was not known. He lived in Copenhagen.
Denmark's Politiken newspaper said his funeral had already taken place in
Copenhagen's Christian Church. No dates were given.
His family could not be reached for comment. His official site does not
mention his death.
Wray is survived by his wife and son.
...
A FOOL FOR YOUR STOCKINGS
...I'll take the English language version, thanks...
I know I've posted about this software before, but since I've been using it so much lately (mainly to work up more repertoire on my new acoustic guitar), I thought I'd chime in again: Guitar Pro. The best part for me seems to be the vast ocean of transcriptions out there on the web--they're useless without the program to open them, but for about $60, consider the wealth of sheet music, with tablature, that is available, if only for the download & print aspect. Then add the functionality of playing back the music in tempo, via midi, and the ability to slow it down for easier digestion (yesterday I was doing so with some Joplin ragtime stuff), and you've got a powerful learning device that focuses mainly on songs--not mind-numbing theory or similar pedantics.
would make a superb stocking stuffer for the computer-friendly guitarist on your shopping list...
...
November 18, 2005
GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES
...hubba hubba...
whaddya know. you try and get the word out on something, and next thing you know, someone else comes along and calls it a hoax, a sham, an urban legend. this world certainly is a seedy brokedown palace full of prevaricators, hustlers, equivocators, hucksters, fabulists, hypocrites, scalawags, and profligate ne'er-do-wells...passing along falsehoods which well-meaning people fall for and repeat...it's cheney-esque!
good thing there's guitars....a little guitar porn for the weekend--a blonde tele--to my way of thinking, one of the finest fashion statements available to humans...
...
STOP!
...do you think it's OK to poison kids?...
ALERT: EPA TO ALLOW PESTICIDE TESTING ON ORPHANS & MENTALLY HANDICAPPED CHILDREN
Public comments are now being accepted by the Environmental Protection
Agency (EPA) on its newly proposed federal regulation regarding the
testing of chemicals and pesticides on human subjects. Earlier this
year, Congress had mandated the EPA create a rule that permanently bans
chemical testing on pregnant women and children, but the EPA's newly
proposed rule actually creates gaping loopholes for the chemical
industry. The rule allows for government and industry scientists to
treat children as human guinea pigs in chemical experiments in the
following situations:
1) Children who "cannot be reasonably consulted," such as those that
are mentally handicapped or orphaned newborns may be tested on. With
permission from the institution or guardian in charge of the
individual, the child may be exposed to chemicals for the sake of
research.
2) Parental consent forms are not necessary for testing on children who
have been neglected or abused.
3) Chemical studies on any children outside of the U.S. are acceptable.
YOU CAN LEARN MORE AND TAKE ACTION HERE
...
November 17, 2005
WHEN GOD MADE ME
...sometimes imperfection can be simply beautiful...
I was going to say something additional here on this morning's theme of mothers and peace, but it was going to sound so cranky and argumentative that I decided to not to. I will merely say hooray for Rep. John Murtha. Google News it if you didn't see the report. Or simply watch the news tonight and enjoy the reportage on "five deferment" Cheney vs. the 73-year old war hero...
also: strats rule.
...
MOTHER
"I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars."
--E.M. Forster, Howard's End
November 16, 2005
WASHINGTON BULLETS
...who's on message?...
"These baseless attacks send the wrong signal to our troops and to an enemy that is questioning America's will...As our troops fight a ruthless enemy determined to destroy our way of life, they deserve to know that their elected leaders who voted to send them to war continue to stand behind them."
--George W. Bush, this week
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."
--Theodore Roosevelt, 1918 (circa WW I, during which his son Quentin was shot down over France and killed)
'I believe that there can be no doubt that criticism in time of war is essential to the maintenance of any kind of democratic government..... Too many people desire to suppress criticism simply because they think it will give some comfort to the enemy.... If that comfort makes the enemy feel better for a few moments, they are welcome to it as far as I am concerned because the maintenance of the right of criticism in the long run will do the country more good than it will do the enemy, and it will prevent mistakes which might otherwise occur."
--Sen. Robert Taft (R), a few weeks after the attack on Pearl Harbor
...
November 15, 2005
MY VALUABLE HUNTING KNIFE
...king of the regular season, goat of the postseason...
or is he? has anyone who is currently bemoaning the MVP pick of Alex Rodriguez cognizant of the Yankees' abysmal pitching performance during the Anaheim series? not that A-Rod was stellar, but losing that series was a team effort.
and just think of how the voting might have turned out if Big Papi had stolen even one base...
...when you make the kind of money that David Ortiz does, you not only have a fully-equipped bench to sit on at the park, you can build your own state-of-the-art bench to warm for your own personal use. here's a shot of Big Papi on his own custom-made bench, relaxing at home...
...
November 14, 2005
FRIENDS
...need a hug?...
one of the things that seems to be more important, precious, rare, unquantifiable, mysterious, and elusive, as I grow older, is friendship. maintaining adult friendships is more challenging with less time to devote, and more often than not, when we lose touch, especially when we relocate, it's usually the case that we exit each other's lives. it seems that no measure of affection can compete with the obstacle of geography.
on the other hand, email can be a wonderful thing. at no time in human history has it been this easy to overcome great distances of geography or circumstance and reconnect...
love to Katie O. (and all my long-distance friends)....
...
November 11, 2005
COUNTRY COMFORT
...just another sucker MC...
I've been hearing about an "invasion" which is set to take place this weekend...apparently a whole lot of "country" artists are flying in from Nashville to throw a big heckabaloo in conjunction with the Country Music Awards at Madison Square Garden...the NYT got it right on today's feature article on the CMAs--any time a "country" artist throws a big event in NYC, it's a publicity stunt.
The only reason I even mention this in passing, aside from the fact that it's a quiet Friday and my planned trip to Massachusetts this weekend has been demanding most of my spare attention, is that, last year, I was involved in a band which performed what some rigid-thinking folks ineptly refer to as "alt-country" (we sometimes had other names for it)...if you're interested, you can hear some of our recorded work at
radio ghost town - the heartache & whisky sessions
Solid, familiar-sounding material which was thoroughly rehearsed and presented in a consistently (if predictably) entertaining style all over the NYC/Brooklyn area. Here's the thing: nobody showed, aside from girlfriends and the small number of various friends and family who would show up at our urging and be the temporary audience at this or that gig...as time wore on, it became quite apparent that the imagined "scene" for this type of music in this town simply does not exist -- at least not in any sense that's worth half a spit. Sure, you can point to this week's Village Voice article about the small clubs in Brooklyn, and our old gig-mate Alex Battles and all his efforts to network together a circuit of venues for bluegrass and tear-in-my-beer combos to play at, but there's never been anything remarkable about cold water flat brooklynites with a predilection for lowbrow watering holes, trucker hats, pabst blue ribbon and a slightly different manner of guitar strumming than is typically extant in their neighboring boroughs...and even if there were, nothing even approaching subsistence on a renumerative basis...
my point: "country" or "alt-country" or "bluegrass" or "cowpunk" .... whatever you want to call it ... it's a dead proposition in these parts. and we can say this as fully-informed participants: gram parsons rules. johnny cash rules. merle haggard and willie nelson are awesome. fucking jayhawks, jeff tweedy, old 97s, son volt...and while ryan adams still blows, we've exulted in the mighty velocities of Jason & the Scorchers and Supersuckers on numerous occasions...
doesn't change the fact that NYC is fallow ground for this stuff. the last time I was out in public with one of these bands, the audience consisted of the singer's girlfriend and two friends of the drummer who ignored the show and shouted in each other's ears for the entire set. pretty discouraging, yes, but think of the money! actually, don't. there isn't any. if your audience can only afford to socialize in rented garages with $2 cans of PBR and bands that pass around a coffee can marked "TIPS," don't expect to reap more than the cost of a few sets of guitar strings, max...though they'll be right there with an acutely blase and nonplussed "thanks...whatever" when you give them a copy of your new CD...
So, just as I hightailed it out of these parts during the Republican National Convention last year, I'll be doing the same this year--getting as far away as possible from these cowboy-hat-wearing, flag-humping, bible-thumping, cash-pumping clowns as possible. 'cause it ain't "country" and for that matter--you can't say the brooklyn kids ain't got the love--it ain't much "music" neither...
...
November 10, 2005
November 09, 2005
GUITAR MAN
seems like it's been ages since I've spewed forth a navel-gazing inventory of my latest gambits in the quest for tone...two or three days at least....the big news this week is the arrival of a new stratocaster neck from Warmoth...
...a shot of the "clapton contour"...note the "V" profile...
...the headstock, bare maple, right before I took it out to the shed for its first shot of nitro...
...a delightful tone recipe...frankenstrat into the 10W tech 21 amp, then into the 4x12 cabinet via 8ohm out...I know, kooky, a practice amp driving a half-stack, but it sounds tits...
...but first run it through this here spaghetti westernator...a reminder that "grunge" is actually that junk that rubs off of the bottoms of your boots...
...the $25 harmony strat body attached to a spare tele neck I had...the pickguard it came with had a rather awkward homespun faux jackson pollock paint drip adornment, so I sprayed it over with a shot of olympic white nitro--you can still see the texture of the paint underneath...obviously, I've yet to load it up with pickups and controls...another project waiting in the wings...
...
GOLDEN YEARS
...guitar porn at its finest...
this is a picture of a 1952 goldtop gibson les paul.
one day is long enough to look at Richard Nixon.
and since he was such a disgrace and a failure, and since we now have a leader with similar qualities, it's nice to be reminded that this country is capable of producing things of greatness and beauty and timeless perfection.
...
November 08, 2005
POLITICIAN
...tricky dick, we hardly knew ye...
On the whole, this space has been avoiding politics of late...not a great deal to say about Harriet Miers or Iraq or Delay or Frist or Libby that hasn't already been beaten to death elsewhere. And I've rather enjoyed the relative calm produced by avoiding getting my Irish up about every outrageous thing our government does that I disagree with. Since this is pretty much a daily event, I couldn't even keep up if I tried--and I often wonder how those political bloggers are able to keep refreshing their appetites for authoring these sorts of daily diatribes.
However, today is Election Day. And I do intend to vote. But as per our grand tradition, it is for the lesser of two evils, not for a candidate whom I believe has my best interests at heart.
Here's the small bit of turf I'd like to lay claim to today: during the next day or two, you're going to hear a lot of politicians, commentators, and various talking heads refer to the voice of "the American people." "The American People" have spoken about this, that or the other thing. And XX% did or did not vote. I disagree with all of the above. Nearly every American votes, and it's about time someone spoke up for the high principles of the American citizen who refuses to darken the halls of a polling place because it turns his or her stomach to say "yes" to either of the obvious crooks who are running for office. And when these stymied hacks, who have the temerity to call themselves "leaders" begin to talk about the wants and desires of "the American people," be reminded that they are lying. Because the majority doesn't want them there. If they did, they'd have voted for them. But they don't--they know that in order to be someone who would run for such an office, that someone would by definition need to be conniving, manipulative, dishonest and above all--rich. My own local choice for governor is between a financial tycoon and a pharmaceutical tycoon. How could I possibly castigate anybody who has concluded that the fix is already in? Of course it is. And it is this majority, or near-majority, who won't play ball and keep propogating this grande American Ruse. I understand it, and I respect it. Therefore, when mr. or mrs. microphone start blathering about "the American people" they are only referring to the small minority who cast more votes for the winner--a majority of a minority. Call it what you want, but it's hardly the Voice of the People.
Yet I vote. I always vote. I always vote because I expect I'll be complaining about this or that shyster some day soon. And I like to think that I bought my right to such complaints by virtue of my participation. In these parts, I can be confident that I'll be relying on such proxy in short order, as recent governors in this part of the country--from McGreevey to Rowland to Pataki, aren't exactly beaming a shining light of competence or excellence to the rest of the country. But you can bet that some suit will soon be giving voice to what "the American people" had to say today. And you can be sure that he or she will be lying.
...
November 07, 2005
PATIENCE
...there is much to be learned from Tom Blackshear...
a few shots from my weekend:
...more of this...
...a little bit of this (though not nearly enough)...
...this is how I look when I begin raking the leaves...
...and this is how I look when I get done...
...
November 04, 2005
I CAN SEE FOR MILES
they say that if you have a goal in mind, it helps if you try and form a mental picture...
just try to think about what it will look like when you achieve it...
I hope it works...
...
November 03, 2005
IT'S ALL RIGHT TO CRY
CNN ousts knebbishy sycophant for a brooding hunk of salt 'n' pepper man love!!
...and I was feeling so good about my hair recently, since they added the rays of holy benevolent light emanating from my crown...oh, fuck me...
...step aside ferret boy...my hair is perfect and the nation exults in my bisexual appeal...
...but nobody was crying on-camera back then, except for president bush and a few of the widows...I mean we all got choked up, but off-camera...bernie shaw once told me to...oh, never mind...
...and I was spending hour after hour, night after night, going around town with this big fat man...you've got to admit, next to him I look pretty damn good...
...my name is bond, james bond...
...I can't wait to write about this in my column --
coming in next month's issue of Details ...
...son? is that you? come give your old father a hug! ...
...we now take you to christiane amanpour, reporting live from the lower intestine of a yak...
[off-camera]: listen you! gloria vanderbilt's my mom, ok sure, but, you know, that fling she had with you in the 70s, those documents are still under a court-ordered seal, so just hush up now. pop. ...
christiane! how's it going? that's quite a yak...
...dude, you are like, so totally hot! hey you wanna meet my life partner? seriously, we are such big fans ...
...um, you're sweet, but I'm global now. GLOBAL. I'll have my people send you a t-shirt...
...
November 02, 2005
BANG A GONG
... look at me! look at me! ...
they appear out of nowhere, and are seemingly everywhere--in times square, on broadway, outside of Penn Station, with their elaborate dungeon replicas and creepy lines of motionless practitioners...
we are to believe that this group - some might call it a cult - others might call it mummenschanz - that this group has been persecuted in China, that these demonstrations, along with photographic evidence one might find on any given day in alt.binaries.pictures.tasteless, are reason enough to sign their petition, promise support, and good heavens--donate money.
what I find so objectionable, aside from the obvious ruse--yet another "religious" group who define themselves not by what they do but by what has been done to them, is the degree to which they use our finite sidewalk real estate to perform these demonstrations, and by proxy, the city administrators who allow this to take place. in a world that bombards me with advertisements, crowds of rude pushy people, bus and car exhaust, and everything from soul-crushing sleet to the summer winds of human excrement, I could really do without this chinese theater troupe acting out scenarios of extreme cruelty and violence, and who stand directly between me and my destination, it seems, wherever they set up shop.
I am sympathetic to most any kind of peaceful philosophy, and I believe in passive resistance, but I would also like to believe that the taxes I pay are being used to keep the streets safe and clean for me too, not just major newpaper conglomerates with circulation problems, or fringe groups from China, whose main selling point seems to be that nobody has the slightest idea of what they're about, outside of the fact that they are frequently beaten up and tortured. Back in the 70s, most of us reviled the "moonies" because the message got out that they were "brainwashing" our youth. In hindsight, it's somewhat humorous that the moonies got flack for this when this is exactly what all religious groups do, albeit perhaps with not quite as much head-shaving and flower distributing, but apparently falun gong is far enough below the radar that they've escaped any sort of objective analysis. Still, I'm not here to put forward an up or down judgment on the tenets of this strange little society. And I'll bet that living in China must have its drawbacks, even beyond the beatings. So I'd like to do what I can, out of purely selfish motives, to help them get better established--so that the route I take to get to my train doesn't resemble curtis martin amidst a crowd of linebackers.
so here you go, Falun Gong:
Dear China,
Stop beating up Falun Gong!
Love, Stratcat
There, I've done my bit. Now get the fuck out of my way.
..
November 01, 2005
PAPERBACK WRITER
...if it ain't broke...what? it is? ... oy! gewalt! ...
today I will be addressing one of my pet peeves--the phalanx of people standing at the top of the Penn Station 7th avenue stairs who are put there to distribute free newspapers--the "metro," in particular, comes from Europe, where these free editions are common. they stand there in a line of 6-8 people, and do their level best to block traffic. they are quite successful at this. the papers themselves, however, are a different matter....it seems strange--during my various visits overseas (London and/or Paris), from whence these editions gained their first commercial foothold, I do not recall being force-fed these vile things, and never once was I obstructed from entering or exiting a major or minor transit hub either. these things are bogus, unnecessary and a terrible nuisance.
and guess what? they're also completely worthless as a business strategy!
a recent study by Scarborough/NY Times, two organizations arguably at the tops in this field, demonstrates that the free distribution of daily newspapers has had nearly no effect on circulation--no net increase in any group, with the exception of a very small bump up amongst young and minority readers.
furthermore, the stated goal--that of stemming the tide of a rapidly shrinking newspaper readership and gaining a new generation of readers, has not been met. if anything, existing readers read more. I might argue that the very low level of syntax in their reportage (by comparison, these things make the NY Post seem downright erudite) is what appeals to non-english-speaking minorities, and the younger audience grasps the free rag mainly out of indifference. the daily metro isn't much competition for that shiny cell phone/iPod traveling pak...
therefore I say: cease and desist! and get the hell of my (and everybody's) way...
[coming soon: falun gong, which roughly translated means "gory street theater make happy fun sidewalk obstruction"....]
..